I recently moved to Austin, TX. It's almost been a week since I arrived. I've always found this town to be quite the adventure every time I have visited in the past. This is my story how I feel about it right now. I'm feeling in limbo and I hope by writing this, maybe I will be able to look back and either laugh or cry at where I was at.
The first time I came here was over two years ago. Winter of 2011. I arrived just in time for what the locals call "free week." A week in early January between the fall and winter semester at "The University of Texas." It was like nothing I had ever seen. All the the live music music clubs charged no fee to get into their venues. I spent a week in Austin and every night I went out and saw both local and national bands in multiple venues. I thought I had died and gone to music lovers heaven. I was so impressed at the volume of music venues and the appreciation they were apparently getting from everyone. I saw multiple genera of band sharing the same stage. When I left, I was dead set on one day moving to Austin, TX.
The next time I came it was that summer and I was house sitting for the friend I had visited earlier that year. I spent between three to four weeks all by myself. This trip was both insane and exciting. I didn't know anybody. I will have to make a note here, I have a hard time reaching out to people. It's difficult for me to meet new people. I don't know if it's because of how I was brought up, or if it's just because I'm shy in general. I know I'm shy until someone gets to know me. Then, you'll never think I ever shut up. Well, I spent most of my time that summer swimming, cycling, trying to find free shows since I was pretty broke, and drinking myself into a stupor every night. I remember how I would budget my money. I would reserve just enough to barley eat and make sure I always had enough to buy the cheapest whiskey I could afford. It was this bottle of Kentucky blend that I cant even remember the name. It cost about $7. I would have to make this last for two days and usually it didn't. I ate mostly rice and beans that were in the cupboard when I got there. I seriously lost so much weight in the time I was there. And, not in a good way. I loved this experience, however. I wrote songs, I had several nervous break-downs, and the memories are more good than bad. My only real regret was that I didn't manage to make any friends while I was down here. I also had a girl I was seeing back home and that I'm sure prevented me from really reaching out to anyone. Sorry, I do have one regret. I shouldn't have ever dated that particular girl.
The next time I came was just last fall. I came for only five days to attend the "FFF6. Festival" (Fun Fun Fun Festival) It was amazing. The weather was perfect and the festival was too. I saw so many bands, bands I had wanted to see for a very long time. During this visit I started to see a difference in my friend that I had been coming to visit and was attending the festival with me. Him and his wife had in the last few years adopted a son. They had become very religious and even though he was still and will always be in-dear to me, he seemed to of aged ten years. Now for the record, I have no problems with religion In-fact, I feel that it can be a beautiful thing. What bothers me about it is, people seem to become religious because of social pressures or because they feel inadequate. My friend is one of the most intelligent friends I have. He can explain in faith better than I can explain anything. I don't want to say anything bad about him all of a sudden becoming religious. It's just that he isn't the same person I use to rally with back in my home town before he moved. He bad become like all my neighbors from where I grew up. Family men, wearing "dockers." His music tastes had started changing. We'd ride bikes all night listening to bands like "Slayer," "Mastodon," "Dead Meadow," and "The Brian Jonestown Massacre." He was listening to almost exclusively acoustic "schmaltz" music. I didn't think too much about it until now.
About a few months ago he called and said he was coming back to Utah to rent a moving truck to take what he had left in Utah back to Austin. He offered me an opportunity to move here. I could ride back with him and bring my things, tow my truck behind the rental truck he was providing. During this time I was feeling frustrated with where I live. It's a frustrating place being a musician in Ogden, Utah. Ogden has some of the most rich abundance of talent without an audience. I loved all my musician friends there. But I needed to see if maybe I could go somewhere else. My reasons for this, I could almost write a book about so I won't go into too much detail. Most importantly, I wanted to try and live somewhere new. So when the time came, after so much time spent on the fence I found myself on that truck heading to Austin.
Here now about a week, however, I feel so incredibly alone. I could go and see show after show and live it up if money wasn't a concern but until I find some way to at least support the basic needs for living, there isn't too much I can do. It's like I'm living in a city full of music and I cant go see it until I have some sort of foundation. My friend who I moved here is no help. His friends are all people from his church and most of them are not musicians anyway. I don't have the mentality of him and his peers. Their all professionals with household incomes over anything I could ever dream of. I'm like some punk kid that lives down the street who they probably pray for because they feel sorry for me. I need some people to play music with and I need a "shitty" part time job. I think that if this doesn't work out I'll be packing my truck with whatever I can fit and bailing. I don't want that to happen. I've never felt more by myself than I do now. I went from being in four bands and having amazing friends to nothing. I know it was a leap of faith but as of today, I may of made a mistake. Sometimes great cities are best visited not inhabited.
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